Category Archives: laughs

Color Me Badly…

Wait until you see how clever that title is; you will be impressed.   So surprise-surprise I was talking to my social deviant and inferior afro’ed “friend” Cheekie on GChat and we got off on one of our characteristic tangents.  This is what had happened and was:

Cheekie: so i totally just reblogged that halloween colored contest pic on your tumblr with this: “LAWD, yes. I used to LOOK UP to chirruns that could color like this. Like, I went to the “Neat Ass School For Youths” (or NASFY for short) so I could color like this. There was a specific technique to it. Yes, lawd
me:   I was so diligent about coloring,  I had a very specific technique
halloween coloring contest

This is the aforementioned picture. *snickers* See what they did there? (Great technique too)

See, you think we just talk about silly things, but we tackle important social issues like this. *crickets* Ok, yes I am still sily and I don’t think anything is changing that anytime soon.  Sue me.  Our conversation made me start reminscing of the days when things were all so simple and our main concern was coloring and arts and crafts.  Let me tell you, I was a coloring master, I took time to hone this beautiful craft.   First off when you wanted to be a coloring sensai you MUST have the right tools.  hear me out.
rose art crayons

Do not use these waxy stranger bish crayons, in fact calling them crayons is a strong statement. They are an abomination to all that is holy and colorful. They are the Keri Hilson of coloring implements.

Avoid these like the plague, Bubonic or otherwise.
crayola 64 color crayons with sharpener

You must go high class with your crayonage. Yes, crayonage. Crayola is the Holy Grail of art supplies, act accordingly.

So now that you have  your supplies together, you must develop a technique.  I know folks say to color in the lines is boring and you should strive to break the mold, but this is only a trite  metaphor.  In real coloring life, stay your rebellious ass in the lines.  Just do it.
its okay to color outside the lines


My technique was to outline the hard lines in a color and color in lightly.  It was fancy, trust me, I am the master.  I did not care for the extra hard overcompensating crayon-killing coloring.  I think those kids had aggression issues that coloring was not going to remedy.  Just a thought.   Don’t you miss the good old days of coloring and snacks?

Gumby? Do. Not. Want.

I am not a fan of  Claymation.  Why am I talking about this?  Well, I am gonna tell you in a minte.  This is a blog you know, be patient.  *Clears throat*  Anyway, Google’s doodle for today was this scariness below:


google gumby doodle claymation

creepy Claymation. Also, don't judge my plethora of tabs, you don't know my life!!!


Yes, the horror!!!  And this Cheekie chick that I sometimes converse with against my will says:


[blackbirdpie url=”!/pinchmycheekie/status/124122884208721920″]


And then me in all my all knowingness and wisdom say:


[blackbirdpie url=”!/NaturallyAlise/status/124124472004452352″]


Then after some more characteristic slander by Cheekie we take it this far. She is such a habitual line-stepper.


[blackbirdpie url=”!/NaturallyAlise/status/124133649582006273″]


Yeah, she always takes stuff way too far.  I hate her.  Anyway, I actually don’t know why Claymation creeps me out.  I think it may be the choppiness of the movements.  I think the disjointedness will magically pop out the screen and attack my unborn children.  This makes sense in my mind.   I also do not like the texture of clay, the way it feels and looks.  Just one of those strange aversions.  *shruglife*  But just when I thought the Gumby/Claymation madness was over, here comes my “friend” Bee with some mess

Bee: Why am i over here watching old Gumby episodes
Alise: I don’t effs with Gumby
Bee: …..Well,  its been very nice knowing you:
Alise: is that Claymation you are sending me?
Bee: *whistles*
Alise: not clicking shit
Alise: *whistles*
Bee:touche my friend, touche
Alise: i clicked it, you happy?


this is the link she sent.  Rude.


I think Gumby weirds me out the most, but there are other Claymation figures that disturb me.  Of course I will share:

california raisins

I don't even like real raisins. Claymation raisins??? From California like Bee??? Do. not.want.


claymation christmas special

I never cared for the Christmas Claymation crap. (oooh alliteration!) Bah Humbug!


You know I report the hard hitting issues.How do you feel about Claymation?

Slandering With the Stars

Have I ever mentioned that my grandparents are the greatest, silliest, wirdest, meanest and nicest people in the whole wide world?   Yes, the whole world, even U.S. Possessions and Guam.  These are TruFax that can be verified by me.   Anyway, what made me re-come to this conclusion is watching an entire episode of Dancing With the Stars with these two characters.  It may have been one of the greatest experiences I have had with them, seriously.  Here are some highlights of our adventure:


Carrie , Len , Bruno. According to my grandparents: hacks.

The Dancing With the Stars  judges. Oh, the judges.  First off, my grandmother remarked, “Can any of these fools dance?  How they gonna judge somebody.  They be lying to them folks anyway.”  My grandma be knowing, I wholeheartedly agree, I need to see some credentials, some recipts, a press release or something.  Just saying.  Then my grandfather says that the judge, Bruno, needs some medication and in his words, “He just ain’t right.”  My grandpa is the authority on all things, because grandpas just are, that’s his receipt.


Nancy Grace Dancing with the stars

Nancy Grace, the bane of grandma's existence.

My grandmother is obsessed with Nancy Grace.  Not in a good way, not that there is a good way to be obsessed with that weirdo, but I digress, this ain’t about me.  My grandma clowned this poor lady ever since she found out she was going to be on the show. She can’t stand Nancy Grace, like the hate is palpable (and hilarious).  She has clowned her weave, her weight, her dresses, her shape, the dancing to mention a few things.  In fact I am sure she probably even said something bad about the lady’s mama.  Then my grandfather just cosigns and laughs with every fiber of his being at everything she says.   He is an enabler.  I love  it!


stewie animated gif family guy

the general consensus in the house after each dance...

Then after every dance one of these phrases is uttered:

  • I hope that won’t supposed to be no waltz*, hmph.    (Editor’s note: Insert any dance in this sentence)
  • How they give them a 7, they needed to get a negative number.
  • Is that what they are calling dresses nowadays?  Oh.
  • I wish that man (Bruno) would go somewhere and sit down.
Dancing With The Stars logo

good times...


My grandparents have been married 64 years, so the funnest part of watching this with them is hearing their memories of when they used to go out dancing.  They were HUGE social butterflies and allegedly great dancers.  This storytelling and memory lane strolling is greater than anything else I could imagine doing.  This is why grandparents are national treasures, if you don’t have grandparents of your own you can come over and borrow mine anytime!  They love company anyway.


twitter bird with afro

He ends all his tweets with #naturalhair

I miss The PBG‘s old series where she posted the funniest tweets from Twitter.  I looked forward to it every Friday to make my week complete and feel like I could  live on.  Yes, I am dramatic and extra, I thought that’s why y’all liked me.  I digress.  In remembrance of that awesome series I wanted to ever so often post my favorite tweets of the moment.  All of them won’t necesarily be funny, just interesting or clever.  Enjoy! (*cries in the car waiting for The PBG to bring back her series*)


Very relevant wisdom:

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seems legit:

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See how folks be life Eff Logic!  I appreciate him stating this:

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Belinda, go sit down.

[blackbirdpie url=”″]


Something in the milk ain’t clean…

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gratuitous ignorant Alise tweet:

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Happy Friday Y’all!

art school, seems legit…

So Belinda Cheekie Jenkins sends me this picture:

art class reject instructions

very thorough.

Alise: LOL!!!

pinchmycheekie: best art class evah

Alise: seems legit

pinchmycheekie: accredited

Alise: remember those stamp pads that smelled all fruity?

pinchmycheekie: mmhmm!

Alise: like of a smiley face, stars and sh*t
that’s what they stamp your ‘ploma with

pinchmycheekie:___________  (editor’s note: that is Belinda flatlining because she laughed so hard that her feeble ass died)
in fact, i used to hate those “teach you how to draw” ads in newspapers, but with that picture my hate is gone
and i hated them because i kept trying to draw the fish or clown or whatever sample picture they told you to draw that determined whether you got in the faux school or not


draw me art school

Draw these and you can enter their hallowed halls....

Alise: Sometimes it was a lttle turtle character

pinchmycheekie: yeah!
lookin like the comcast slowsys
which didn’t exist then
but still
point of reference

Alise: I low-key wanted to be in that school

pinchmycheekie: me too!!

but i couldn’t get it right

Alise: dreams of a defferred nature. no Langston.

pinchmycheekie: i tried so hard
*sits in armchair*

Alise: we are a motley pitiful crew



Support the arts y’all.