Wait until you see how clever that title is; you will be impressed. So surprise-surprise I was talking to my social deviant and inferior afro’ed “friend” Cheekie on GChat and we got off on one of our characteristic tangents. This is what had happened and was:
Cheekie: so i totally just reblogged that halloween colored contest pic on your tumblr with this: “LAWD, yes. I used to LOOK UP to chirruns that could color like this. Like, I went to the “Neat Ass School For Youths” (or NASFY for short) so I could color like this. There was a specific technique to it. Yes, lawd
me: I was so diligent about coloring, I had a very specific technique
This is the aforementioned picture. *snickers* See what they did there? (Great technique too)
See, you think we just talk about silly things, but we tackle important social issues like this. *crickets* Ok, yes I am still sily and I don’t think anything is changing that anytime soon. Sue me. Our conversation made me start reminscing of the days when things were all so simple and our main concern was coloring and arts and crafts. Let me tell you, I was a coloring master, I took time to hone this beautiful craft. First off when you wanted to be a coloring sensai you MUST have the right tools. hear me out.
Do not use these waxy stranger bish crayons, in fact calling them crayons is a strong statement. They are an abomination to all that is holy and colorful. They are the Keri Hilson of coloring implements.
Avoid these like the plague, Bubonic or otherwise.
You must go high class with your crayonage. Yes, crayonage. Crayola is the Holy Grail of art supplies, act accordingly.
So now that you have your supplies together, you must develop a technique. I know folks say to color in the lines is boring and you should strive to break the mold, but this is only a trite metaphor. In real coloring life, stay your rebellious ass in the lines. Just do it.
My technique was to outline the hard lines in a color and color in lightly. It was fancy, trust me, I am the master. I did not care for the extra hard overcompensating crayon-killing coloring. I think those kids had aggression issues that coloring was not going to remedy. Just a thought. Don’t you miss the good old days of coloring and snacks?
Your favorite super hero's super power is not even awesome as the Care Bear Stare. Nope.
I know it seems that I would like everything associated with glitter, rainbows, and magical in nature, that would be an accurate assessment, hence my love for the Care Bears.
Ahhhh, sweet nostalgia. I grew up in the 80’s and had just about all the toys associated with that era. What a grand tie to grow up. I had Rainbow Brite, My Little Pony, Chutes and Ladders board game, Barbies, and even a few Transformers. (Eff gender roles!) However, Care Bears were my favorite. Let’s take a journey:
Cheekie: I really want to jump off a curb right about nah
me: at first I thought it said cloud and I was like “Oooh that sounds fun”
Cheekie: omg jumping off a cloud does sound fun
me: like the Care Bears
How the f*ck have I never written a Care Bears post
like I was obsessed
Cheekie: you LIE
me: I have STORIES
Cheekie: I was just bout to be like… don’t I remember a post you wrote
me: I had a Care Bears record
Cheekie: I imagined it because it’s sooooooo natural for me to think you have one
like it’s already in the universe
me: that I played on my record player that was built in to a carrying case
Cheekie: OH! WHY did I read that like a criminal record?
me: I had 5 different Care Bears
Tender Heart never got played with though
That's Tenderheart, him downstairs.
he sat on my bed
I had that thing for 15 years and it had nary a speck of dirt on it
but the rest of them bears doe
I just reread that and chuckled loudly
you treated him tenderly
Cheekie: how apropos!
me: no Force MD’s
Yes, I owned a real life vinyl Care Bears album entitled “Introducing the Care Bears,” I think my mom still has it at her house. It featured such hard hitting cuts as “Good Luck Bear,” and “Tenderheart Bear.” Yes, all the classics.
snubbed by the Grammy's... hmph.
I LIVED for the Care Bears movies!!! Care Bears the Movie 2 had my favorite song, it is below:
“Care-a-lot, we care a lot *clap-clap clap-clap*”
Epic, legendary status. Tell me I’m wrong. I’m not gonna do nothing, but I dare you. *B-boy stance*
Now, there is one thing about the Care Bears that midly irritates me. Just like the Smirfs did with the little munchkin Smurf cousins, Care Bears introduced their cousins to the mix. Now I don’t know what kind of species mixing mess they were on but their cousins weren’t even bears. Maybe they were trying to show us that interracial relatinships were okay. Whatever the reason, I still don’t like the mutant Care Bear Cousins. Why folks always bring their raggedy cousins into their business ventures?
Lions, penguins, and piglets? Oh my?
Now, I want to introduce you to my other 2 favorite Care Bears after my beloved Tenderheart:
Bedtime Bear. It's his job to bring sweet dreams to all his friends. How can you NOT like him. He is like a plush Ambien.
Grumpy. Every crew needs an Eeyore, an Oscar the Grouch, or a Grumpy Bear. I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.
Anybody else who grew up in the 80’s and early 90’s that love Care Bears?
All morning I had the song “Love Zone” in my head. Also in my head I sang it like Billy Ocean, every riff, every ad lib, it was a thing of beauty. Angels sang, thunder rolled, and people saved on their car insurance. By the way my skull is headquarters for obscurity, foolishness, and general lickerish, paphian thoughts. (Yes, you will learn these words of the day if I have to shove them down your throat,*clears throat*) What was I saying? Oh, so this tweet led to a bunch of fabulous follow up tweets by my lovely Twitter goons:
Just in case you aren’t familiar with the catalog of the fantabulous 80’s singer Billy Ocean, here is the song we were crooning:
The only thing better than a Twitter sing-along is a BILLY OCEAN Twitter sing-along. So I am sure you are wondering why the heck did I have Billy Ocean songs in my head? Do you REALLY have to have a reason? However, I did actually have a reason. I was reminiscing on my childhood, and thinking of all the albums my mama used to play on Saturday mornings, aka “Clean Up Day,” aka “Your child is your slave Day“, aka “Why I gotta get up so early, can’t we clean in the afternoon Day.” Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, my mama had 5 albums, yes albums, that she played without fail:
this album plus the "Love Zone" album got mad spins!
My mama played so much Sade that I went through a period where I could not stand to hear a Sade song.
I think this is one of the best pop albums ever made, seriously, every song went hard!
Then you know she had to throw a little Jesus up in the mix, I'm just sayin'...
and the Pièce de résistance….
This was one of my mama's favorite albums when I was growing up. She was all about the light-skinned eyebrow sensation... smh
So yes, anytime I hear a song from any of these artists I get a warm and fuzzy feeling about my childhood. It also makes me sad that the next generation’s memories will be about Wacka Flocka, Nicki Minaj, and a host of other unsavory characters. Sucks for them.
What musical memories do have from your parents or grandparents? Please share.
I am the biggest New Edition fan that ever walked this rock you guys call Earth. This is a fact. Why? Because I said it is, and really that is enough to verify anything. Deal with it. I am also modest. I have been to 6 New Edition concerts. Yes, 6. This does not include the mini concerts I have in my apartment frequently. Don’t judge me, YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE! I digress. Three of these concerts I went to back in the day (telling my age). Yes, one of those concerts were of the original line-up… yes, be jealous, I understand. The other three concerts were the Reunion tour… As a child I had posters plastered all over my bedroom wall, yes, I was ultra-cool, bi-winning if you will.
So I wrote all that stuff above to set you up for the topic of discussion and also to tell you how awesome and wise I am. I feel that I owe you that. Here is an epic conversation between myself and the super awesome foolish Beez of the vanglorious blog Beez and Hunny. She rocks socks… except for toe socks, those are just weird. Here it goes
This is the comment that started it all:
Beez: Legend has it that if you put your ear to a paper towel roll on a full moon, you can hear Johnny Gill still performing the runs of this song in the same studio it was recorded in. He never left.
Yeah, that girl is special… but moving right along:
naturallyalise: i have questions about the New Edition “If It Isn’t Love” video… lots o’ questions
Beez: ESPECIALLY THAT GOTDAMB HEAD DUNK IN THAT BUCKET OF WATER.*
This is the dunk she speaks of... yep, special.
naturallyalise: i was just about to say that
Beez: Why is that the FIRST thing that comes to mind?
naturallyalise: I also need answers about Michael Bivins Karate shoes
Beez: and Ralph’s stirrup leggings, with his letterman sweater
naturallyalise: and the dudes in the studio with them*
the pants, le sigh...
Beez: po’ ronnie’s curl was in fck it mode by that year
it wasn’t tryna lean, curl, slide, or nothing
that curl was on sabbatical.
naturallyalise: I would raise an eyebrow but that just seems disrespectful to Ronnie
Ronnie Devoe, the eyebrow-less wonder...
Beez: he left that mug in the ‘cool it now’ video
I luh ronnie. don’t get me wrong…
naturallyalise: Ronnie is lowkey my favorite
Beez: i just don’t agree with his curl tryna betray him like that.
naturallyalise: sidebar: I have seen New Edition in concert 6 times
naturallyalise: 3 as a kid, 3 as an adult
naturallyalise: I am a STAN
Beez: I was born in the wrong gahtdamb decade
naturallyalise: I even saw one of the shows that had ALL 6
Beez: my fetus woulda been bopping if i had a chance. LAWD!!! Bobby!
naturallyalise: yep, BOBBEH
Beez: Bobby’s antics with Johnny’s stage whoredom?
naturallyalise: I have a little tidbit of knowledge, Johnny…. wait let me back up for a sec. At the adult concerts were the reunions so they all did a set with their solo songs. sigh…….. Johnny….
naturallyalise: Johnny sang My, My, MY at all three of those concerts for 20 minutes. He jsut ran and riffed, and riffed and ran…
Beez: Which makes my comment that much more relevant!
naturallyalise: that’s why it killt me dead
The Johnny Gill Cry Face, it is illegal in 12 states. #fact
naturallyalise: Why do I die a thousand deaths when they sing “Boys to Men,” Johnny put his whole spurrrrrit in that song!
Beez: He layed down his burdens on that song.
naturallyalise: he might stil be in the studio for that one too
Beez: You could tell from the beginning… just how he emoted the first ‘DEEZ AHH DUH TINGS TET CHANGE BOYS TUH MENS! MENS! MENS!’
naturallyalise: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… he be roaring
Beez: I used to harmonize the heck outta them ahhhhs.
awwww, ain't they fancy in their white suits?
naturallyalise: Did you notice they never ever quite danced synchronized, extra sloppy, and I was watching a video and realizing how bad Johnny Gill couldn’t keep up with the dance moves.
Beez: That’s what happens when he’s the new bish.
naturallyalise: he was trying hard to keep up doe, po baby
Beez: He was… but you could always tell he was the young struggle feets on the right side
naturallyalise: he was their Marlon
Beez: They were all levels of competency. Ralph was extra. Bell Biv and Devoe were just right, and Johnny was… NAWL… Goldilocks dance theory. He WAS their Marlon! lightbulb
The moral to the story is Johnny Gill was to New Edition what Marlon was to The Jackson Five. Case closed. Enjoy your day. By the way, what is your favorite New Edition song?
pinchmycheekie: GAWD, mama cheekie LOVES black licorice
me: ewwwwwwwwwwww, nasty old people candy
pinchmycheekie: i always o_O her for that
good and plenty, all that sh*t
i’ll take red thanks. but at least we can bond over red vines
Candy is supposed to make you happy, black jelly beans missed that memo.
pinchmycheekie: LOL right
me: Charleston Chews and Cow tails
pinchmycheekie ________________ (she just flatlined by the way)
right… like if you ate that ish, you were automatically 58
even as a kid
I bet you $5 the first ingredient is "hell nawl"
pinchmycheekie: mary jane’s too! I swear Morgan Freeman dated whoever that candy is named after
me: LOL! and i don’t understand chick-o-sticks
Chick-O-Sticks are proof of the existence of evil. I don't appreciate advertising them as "Made in the USA" when they clearly were formulated in the devil's workshop.
me: and then those hard candies that have been in the jar at your grandma’s house for 15 years
candy’s been there since Coolidge was in office
pinchmycheekie: LMFAO @ the misc hard candies
me: Brach’s makes them!!!
pinchmycheekie: shole do!
me: you buy them by the pound, lol, bulk candy
pinchmycheekie: LOL how much is the no name candy a pound?
me: like 3 shillings and a handful of beans
pinchmycheekie: like i bet folks traded their second born child for some of that candy
You can have all this "candy" for the low, low price of 10 Chuck E. Cheese tickets.
me: I bet Brach’s candy back in the day had some sort of illicit drug in it like Coca Cola used to have cocaine in it. This makes sense.
Now don’t get me wrong, some old school candy is yummy. For example, Lemon Heads, Alexander the Grape, and any candy bar are delicious. However, I just can’t deal with all the other geriatric “treats,” they make candy un-fun, and that is a hard and mean thing to do. Don’t you agree?