sunny day... pushing the clouds away....
trio of haiku to enjoy… “In the Sky” ( Themed Haiku Series)
(1)
i’m just like the sky
free, wide, beautiful, and clear
but still i am blue
(2)
when i look at clouds
they can be most anything
just like my future
(3)
i envy the birds
even when they shit on you
it is still good luck
and here’s a little nostalgia:
Coming off the high of a fabulous birthday weekend… and I am drifting off into a mini(many)-depression, so I decided I needed to write(right). I have this feeling of despondency and don’t know how to shake it. I have not ever felt so lonely. Not lonely in the sense of people not being around, but lonely in the sense that I just can’t quite connect with the people around me. It is like the world is moving around me but I am in slow motion. It is like I want to tell people hello but they are moving too fast to notice me. The only “friend” that slows down to embrace me is depression. How about that for a toxic friendship? Anyway, I wrote this poem because I need some positive life forces to stop, take notice of me, and just clap for me to encourage me to keep going and pick up speed with the real world. This is a poem means a great deal to me. I actually wrote it in about 10 minutes and even had it memorized the next day. Yes, it wrote itself. That’s how it goes when something is brewing in your spirit just fighting to get out. I hope you enjoy it, but more so I hope you understand it and therefore understand me…
I need someone to clap for me
Days like these I crave applause
If I can’t get a round of it
I’ll settle for a scrap of it
At least a snap of it
So I can snap out of it
And I don’t know what IT is
But I want out of it
But the only way to free me
Is to recognize me
Look at me
Behold my sight
So I can hold on to my sanity
To know that my identity…
Matters.
To someone besides me.
I need to know someone is beside me
On the side of me
Reassure the pride in me
Lonely is only good if you decide to be
But I awake every morning to the sound of one hand clapping
I need ovations
Preferably standing
I’m just not understanding
How I ended up the supporting actress in my one woman show
To a audience of none
I need a fan if only just one
To confirm my existence
Acknowledge my persistence
I want to be great in the mind of someone else too
I need someone to miss me
Shit, even dismiss me
Because even then they may feel some kinda way about me
But at least they would have felt something
And now the applause sign is blinking
And I am thinking
Why is it so quiet?
Did they not hear my ultimate slam poem called life
I wouldn’t care if you low-scored it
I just wouldn’t be able to bear if you ignored it
Caution wet floor because my soul I just poured it
Pain I endured it…
And I just want you to reward it
With the action of pressing one hand against another rapidly
As if my life depended on it
And when I finished that line
I thought about crossing the finish line
In a race alone if you come in first
You still come in last
No matter how fast…. you try to run
Good thing the starter pistol is not a loaded gun
Otherwise I would have ended this reality before it had even begun
And the only thing that would have stopped me….
Was for someone to clap for me.
You are most articulate in your silenceYou said more in those thoughful gentle smiles
Than with your jubilant reports
But you wrote dissertations of despiarWith your saddened, worried eyesAnd your furrowed brow and scowl of disgust
that day…sigh, that day.Crashed on my shore of shame harder than any of those wordsthose words…sigh, those words.a silent high tide I’d like to think.That day…sigh, that day.I thought your medusa gaze would surely turn your thoughts to stone
Aimed at me to make me guilt’s martyrThose silences were awkward…
but appropriate.And I wish my silence could respond with sincere apologiesIf only my eyes could let you knowHow much I need you,How much I want to make it up to you,How much I love you….
But…. I am most aritculate in my poetry
So this is for you.
This is the 23rd installment of my weekly Blog Poetry Slam, so glad you stopped on by. I thought maybe today we can write poems about silence. Do you accept the challenge? I am gonna share a piece after the picture and another in the comments, please join me… I look forward to reading your poems, they can be short (even haiku), long, serious, or funny: it’s up to you! Happy Writing!
i hate…
silence.
i don’t want to hear
repression.
memories then have my undivided attention
nothing to drown out the incessant firing of synapses
playing target practice with my pain.
so turn the music up.
quenching needed...