Tag Archives: how to deal with me

artists and relationships…

Keep in mind that I’m an artist and I’m sensitive ’bout my sh*t….

-Erykah Badu

 

demotivational artist poster Alise

yup!

(Originally posted  4/8/09)

Have you ever dated an artist and have been puzzled about some of their habits or tendencies? Are you an artist and can’t understand why your non-artist mate (or ex-mate likely) didn’t get you? Well have no fear, Ms. Naturally Alise is here to enlighten you and sh*t. It’s what I do. Wu-Tang AND Alise is for the kids Here we go:

Artists are “moody”.  I think moody is not a good word, so I think I will make one up to add to my personal lexicon. It’s what I do. Let’s say moodrospective… yeah, I like that. A mix of moody and introspective. A lot of times artists, particularly writers get into a zone and fixate on an idea and forget about being civil, polite, thoughtful, etc… Trust me, 87.7 %* of the time it is not personal. (that’s an exact percentage, I interviewed Tiha, the E-posse, the mailman, and my cousin June Bug) Also keep in mind that a lot of artists are stuck in jobs completely opposite of what they really want to do and are therefore not happy in their current situation, that will make anyway a handful.

 

moody Calvin and Hobbes

moody weirdo is what I am...

Artists tend to be big flirts, but usually it unconscious. Usually an artist is having to peddle their own wares, so they are CONSTANTLY having to sell themselves (not literally you gutter dwellers) and push their product. Unless of course you are a sub par rapper with big budget promotion and an legion of ass kissers entourage . The phrase starving artist is uttered for a reason. (Dang, I am hungry as a hostage) So to deal with an artist you have to check your petty insecurities and jealousies at the door with your fancy Triple Fat Goose coat. Also you may have to pick up the check sometimes… hi-yoooooooo… I am corny, I know, it is an art.

 

winking smiley face lego

I ain't a player, I just network a lot...

Artists need alone time. If you are overly needy don’t date anyone until you get your self esteem together an artist. Especially when we are feeling moodrospective (see I used it already!), sometimes we just need our space, time to breathe, and be creative, like I said, “don’t take it personal, take the bitter with the sweet, easy come, easy goooo… ” (sorry had a Jermaine Jackson moment, that NEEEEEVVVVVER happens…).

 

leave me alone shirt

pretty self explanatory...

 

Artists need their egos stroked, yet, we do not want to be patronized, we want you to mean it, or at least make it believable. Yet, the funny thing is we will never accept the compliment. Example, my significant other will tell me a poem of mine is great, and I’ll say something like, “Well it’s okay, you REALLY like it?” ,”What lil’ ol’ me?,” or “Ummmm, I guess, I’ve done better.” Even though we will treat every compliment this way, keep on giving them, we really do like to hear it.

 

 

brief history of art cartoon

#truth

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Also to piggyback with the ego stroking ……. “I be stroking, that’s what I be doin'”. (Sorry, had a Clarence Carter moment, that happens ALL the time). Sorry, I lost my train of thought, you know I have no attention span, thanks a lot twitter. But no really, we also like you to ask about our art. Nothing makes us feel better than a genuine interest in what we have going on. Whether it is going to a show, asking about a painting, bringing up a chapter you like in our book, or humming a song we composed, it is always a plus.

That’s what I’ve got for now, do you have any tips for dealing with artists, or if you are an artist what have you dealt with in relationships?

how to deal with me… part 1

deal with me... if you dare...

I was thinking today about my bouts throughout my life with depression and with just general sadness, grief, or even anger. One thing that stuck out to me is people saying or doing the wrong things. An important part of someone’s coping with depression or a sadness is the support of family and friends. Note that I said SUPPORT. A lot of times people think that their words or actions are supportive but actually are the antithesis. I cannot speak for every person, but here is what NOT to do for me when I am going through something or feeling “some kinda way.”

Never tell me not to cry. This is in essence invalidating my emotions and my expression. Believe me, that will not improve the situation. Instead, just hand me a tissue, hug me, or or just make your calm state be contagious, but never dictate to me how I can release if it is not hurting anyone. Now if I start kicking and punching walls, handle that. Not that I’ve done anything like that before  *straight face* (I don’t even believe that, lol).

I would never kick or punch a wall... you don't believe that either, do you?

Never spout platitudes and cliches at me while I am in an actively distressed state.  It will instantly, while in my slightly delusional frame of mind, make me think you are patonizing me.  I tend to overthink things when I am …. ummm… okay, I always overthink things.  This is the curse gift and the curse.  In fact this makes me think of lines I have in a poem of mine:

And folks have the nerve to tell me how I should feel

Cliches being thrown at me

Kind of like a life’s a bitch martyr

Oh yeah, never tell me how I SHOULD feel.  Such as, “Don’t be mad,” “Don’t be sad,” “This ain’t worth it,” etc.  Everyone has a right to their reactions to a situation.  Usually any irrational feelings will work themselves out once you have time to process a whole situation.  Usually this  can happen if the person is allowed to talk their feelings out in a safe feeling environment.

The More You Know rainbow

Have you taken all of that in?

So you wonder the what you should say or do.  For me: just listen, let me get it out.  Then when I have calmed down (which I will do) just  ask me, “Do you want to talk about?  Do you want my advice?”  If I say no, don’t.  If I say yes, do.  Just be there.  Simple as that.

Go Joe!

Just being there is half the battle. (Go Joe!)