Do I know why the caged birds sing?  I have several theories:

* Subterfuge for its creepiness

* Facade for its evilness

* Trying to call his creepy, evil cousins on the outside to come and get him out.

All of this makes sense.  Why?  Because birds are evil.   Yes, birds.  Er’ last one of them.  Okay, except for the ones I eat.  So I do apologize chickens, Cornish Hens, and turkeys.    But besides them, I can’t deal with birds of any kind.

How can this not scare you?

Blame it on Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds”, sh*t, you can blame it on the rain, or even blame it  on the boogie. The creatures just ain’t right.  Trust me, I know these things.  I even have a delusional friend, who’s name I won’t mention (but she is part of the blog Gimme That Glow and her name starts with an O and ends in -dara o_0 ) , who is obsessed with owls.  Sigh, yes, creepy wise-ass owls.  She torments me by sending me links to owl pictures on twitter.  So now I call her OwlDara…  she is so weird.  Any-hoot. <–see what I did there?

I feel like he is looking in my soul... *shivers*

However,I do have a friend that shares my bird insensibility Just take all of this in… a conversation with my very good buddy and penpal Brandelyn of BeeNCee.com:

me: by the way… i don’t like birds, they are scary, unless they are like parrots or parakeets in a cage

Brandelyn: i mean, i adore hummingbirds, but from a distance

oh i despise birds

for real for real

me: The movie The Birds scarred me for life

I am truly frigthened

Brandelyn: OMG!!!!!!!!!
ME TOOOOOOOOOOO

Alfred was RUDE for that!

me: yassss!

oooh and if I see any bird that is black….

I about fall out

Brandelyn: Dude!!!

me: it is so bad

Brandelyn:  Hummingbirds are all i can stand

and they are barely birds

because they are about an inch big

me: they are butterflies with beaks, lol

butterflies with beaks...

Brandelyn: BWAHAHAHAHHA!

Have I told you how much I love you?

hilarious!

Butteflies with beaks my nig?

Done

Oh and geese, and how rude they are

me: sigh, geese

Brandelyn: those jokers walk HELLA slow, looking at you all out of the side of their eyes and wanna hiss at you cause you’re trying to get past them

me: ok!

Brandelyn: cause they want to meander all down the sidewalk

stopping traffic

and they can’t even fly good

wanna fly all low to the ground

just walk foo!

i can’t stand them!

Public Enemy #1, 2, AND 3

me: LOL!  Tell me how you really feel

Brandelyn: and then they ROLL HELLA DEEP!

like 30 of them, so if one of them hisses at you you can’t really retaliate or jerk forward to try to punk them cause they got like 30 of their boys all looking at you out of the side of their eye

This is what it sounds like when pigeons cry.... (Prince remix)

me: and don’t get me started on sea gulls… and pigeons

Brandelyn: and Im with you on the pigeon thing

those are the dingiest birds in the world!

me: and why do folks love doves… they are pigeons too

it is a white pigeon

Brandelyn: Its cause they’re white

all white

me: ahhhhh

Brandelyn: and only white people really like them

me: *pulls out Autobigraphy of Malcom X*

Brandelyn: or black people who were raised thinking they were white, how many negros have you seen messing with some doves?  besides the candy?

I apologize for my rants

birds and smart cars really set me off

I can’t stand either of them