silence

please.

i hate…
silence.
i don’t want to hear
repression.
memories then have my undivided attention
nothing to drown out the incessant firing of synapses
playing target practice with my pain.

Seriously, silence is the bane of my existence.  Some people need quite meditation time, but it is torture to me.  I must always have some sort of “something” going on in the background.   Whether it is an unwatched television, constant music, or even the clacking of a computer keyboard, I need it.  I think I am scared to be too alone with my thoughts.  If you knew some of the thoughts or memories going on in my head some days, you would truly understand.  I have a problem sometimes with facing things head on.  I have hit the ground so many times that I have decided I need some sort of safety net up to deal with that.  But until I get confident/strong enough to get rid of my stunt woman or take down the net , turn the music up and end the  silence.