tee hee...
Le sigh. Yes, I am frustrated and French. Les sighs. Now I am plurally frustrated. Why? Funny you should ask. I am agitated with the assumptions and stereotypes surrounding people with natural hair. I have been a relaxer-free semi-diva for most of the past decade. It is hilarious some of the broad generalizations they make about this broad here. (<— see what I did there?) This is what I have to say about these assumptions:
My naps say have several seats.
Actually, it doesn’t agitate me for real; in fact it is rather entertaining. Don’t let the Natural Hair Mafia see this though, I ain’t tryna get shot up or anything. Just saying. Me and my fabulous friend CaShawn, aka The PBG of Dirty Pretty Thangs had a few alleged things to say about it.
The PBG: I never was a fan of Toni Morrison’s work
The PBG: <–horrible Black woman
me: me neither!!! so confusing
The PBG: People act like she’s the Mecca. I’m think she’s the “meh”
me: but girl what we gon’ tell the Afro Mafia, we gots to like Toni
The PBG: Girl, I don’t know. They may have us excommunicated. Or worse.
Hey Toni, hey. You are probably are a good person and fun to kick it with and I love your hair, but I don't understand the things you write. Don't tell nobody tho.
Yes, it is a requirement that the natural haired set read AND enjoy Toni Morrison. If you don’t you might as well get an S-Curl of Duke Texturizer Kit. It is in the handbook.
me: We ‘posedta like Dwele
The PBG: We can’t like UGK, fried chicken…
And worship Badu. We do, but that’s immaterial.
Do you burn incense? I think we’re supposed to.
me: Dangit, I need to increase my frequency
The PBG: Yeah. I forget sometimes. Naturalistas are gonna disown me.
me: We gotta stop with the weaves and braid extensions
That is punishable by jail time
The PBG: As Black girls that don’t relax our hair, that is a definite no-no.
I am also wanted for aiding and abetting her weave. Shame on us.
me: But I have to stop eating this delicious pork
The PBG: Bacon will make your hair straight!!!
me: I might don’t make it.
The PBG: You got white friends? You bet not tell nobody but God.
I ain't giving up my bacon for NOBODY! Fight me.
me: Do I have to throw away my Freakum dresses?
The PBG: You can turn it into a turban. I think that’s acceptable. Be sure to check the Natural Black Girl’s Handbook.
me: I’mma get the DVD from the natural sorority’s website for 29.95
Don’t want to be out in deez streets slipping
I’ll clear out a space on my shelf after I throw away my hood movies
The PBG: The natural hair drop squad will come for you. Force you to eat vegan and listen to Jill Scott cd’s.
me: Well they look at Jill in contempt now, she got a perm, she was excommunicated
The PBG: Who’s the new it girl or are they still holding up India.Arie as the Patron Saint of Nappy?
You know she did that song we’re supposed to love.
me: “I am Not My Hosh*t” ?
The PBG: That’s it.
me: POW!
The PBG: Or was that Trina?
me: collabo
The PBG: Definitely.
This wrap used to be a top of the line Freakum dress. Word to Beyonce.
The PBG: I think we’re supposed to tag all of tweets #naturalhair
“I’m on my way to work now. #naturalhair”
me: Took a dump, lit an incense #doe #naturalhair
The PBG: My feet hurt. #naturalhair
me: Eating free range fried chicken wings and organic Mumbo sauce #naturalhair
The PBG: We need to get on the right track or risk being ostracized by the other kinky haired chicks.
me: Cuz we have to not conform by conforming…. wait, what?
The PBG: Huh? What? I am a non-conformist!
So I have to do what the other relaxer-less girls do.
He ends all his tweets with #naturalhair, as to not conform. -_-
So what natural hair misconceptions and assumptions have you heard or been privy to from folks?
you know what….i need both of ya’ll to have several seats…
i should NOT be hollering from laughter at work!!! lawd!
and i ain’t givin up bacon either…hell.
Viva La Bacon!!! And no, I will not retain the services of a seat.
*Pi Nappa Kappa goon call* (sounds like opening of the Lion Kang) YASSSSSSSSSS, soror!
Oh, lemme pick up my sense over here… *picks it up*
Ok.
*hollers at non-conformists eventually conforming* MAN, that stays being a pet peeve of mind. Like, ooooh you different, like air-body else. Womps. Anyway, I have found my peoples! Conformist swag.
Oh. And… well, I quit swine when I was on that creamy crack. You see how I STAY doing the unpredictable? -_-
I will not cannot eat green eggs and ham NOR will I stop my ratchet dancing. I back ALL these cheeks up til the cows come home (so they won’t tip over in the tornado) and shall do so with my current TWA. *knucks since I happen to be buck*
Reading that comment was real inceptiony. I can’t beat this comment, so I’mma join it or something.
Why? Ya’ll are hilarious & I may or may not be becoming bff’s with you both in my mind’s free time. #Namaste… #Naturalhair
You will forever be bonded with us by foolery. #NeverForget
Incense? What about weed?
Speaking of weaves and hair extensions..what’s the word on straight hair? Can naturals have straight hair.. (flat-ironed)? Or are we still conforming to the man’s idea’s about beauty?
LOVE Toni Morrison.. you have to read her books over and over 20x while high ..but I swear you will get it..eventually.
I think if folks start with “Love” they’ll start to get the hang of it… I think it’s more “accessible” than the others… man I love her stuff, I like that you can read it over and over and still come away with something.
*dies* I be trying, but lawd my brain be timing out, lol
Can I just reverse the whole dayum thang like nappy pressed hair in a thunderstorm?!?
I big chopped *dreads* take that napsters! Oh wait, huh? That’s not called the big chop?!? Oh.
And then I permed my shyt silkay… crap… I forgot the TWA was the new way to feel beautiful… *cries lye induced tears* is i’m uglay now???
Does this mean that now I _am_ my hair? Cuz… #IJS… Morrison is _still_ my favorite author… Jill’s new album is still hot… and Erykah and that blond mohawk she rocked can still catch my baby.
LMAO!!! Yes, I am laughing at your silky smooth pain. I ain’t shit.
word i think yall covered err thang and I hollered at the same time.
Hollering is good, as long as it is natural hollering, don’t want no mess. lol….
Well I do love my Kush, Erykah, and Toni Morrison. But I shan’t give up my freakum dresses, Bun B (and his fine ass lips), nor my daddy’s bbq ribs. And that don’t make my #natural hair any less dope.
I also enjoy the occasional ho-antic.
And I believe that India Arie just might be the most boringest broad on the planet. Yes I said boringest…
I used to love India, but listening to too many songs in a row is a definite snoozefest!
Y’all are crazy. For real. I should not be at working laughing like this! I don’t eat bacon but I love Uncle Luke. I never smoked weed but I had a mean coffee addiction. I’m super duper sweet….but I will cut you. I guess I’m a non-conformist, too.#naturalhair #singlemom #blogger #POW
You sure are mighty fancy with those hashtags! LOL!
Hilarity. Love it.
Signed,
The Bourgeios-est Naturalist Known To Man
Thanks,
The Hoodest Naturalist Known To Man
lol…
I haven’t had a perm in about 15 years. I wear wigs and weaves. And I hate doing my natural hair alone. It’s a lot of work. I’m lazy. Also, I would love to find someone who can explain to me where natural chicks are trying to get to on their ‘journey’? Is it spiritual? Is it actual? Factual? Naptual?
I am taking my natural hair journey to the rib shack. That is Naptual right there!
I hatechall for not liking Toni Morrison, but er um, if I get one more person looking at me crazy for not like Goapele. Or for being in love with Trey Songz. Or for wanting to have one of Young Dro’s babies. Or for sympathizing with T.I…;leave me alone! lol
“Just because we’re natural, doesn’t mean we’re not ratchet.”
Young Dro’s babies doe? really? LOL!
Love the way you highlight the important aspects for us.. Thanks for the very interesting blog that you shared!
Viva La Bacon!!! Young Dro’s babies doe? LMAO!!! Does this mean that now I _am_ my hair?