Party Up!
I have a strange obsession with unicorns. I think it all stemmed from my tween days being obsessed with Lisa Frank products. If you are not familiar with this vanglorious line of products check out the pic below. I apologize now if it feels like you are on an acid trip. I am not responsible for seizures or panic attacks. You could sue me, but I’m a broke PO-et, all you would get is a Now-n-Later, a TommyGear lanyard & wave cap, and a Pelle Pelle coat.
trippy, ain't it?
That picture made you want to toss glitter all over everything, didn’t it? You can thank me later. In my tween days my unicorn/Lisa Frank addiction was fed by mama. While other kids were trying drugs and skipping school, I was organizing my important papers in unicorn and rainbow paraphanalia. Yes, I was cool. o_0
So back to the lecture at hand, why unicorns? I say, why not! Unicorns are my favorite of the mthical creatures. EFF dragons with their hot breath. EFF griffins with their malfunctioning DNA. EFF phoenixes with their can’t decide whether to burn or fly selves, so indecisive. Unicorns are where it’s at. Check this out: Did you know that you don’t even have to wear a saddle to ride a unicorn. Why is that? This seems obvious, but I will break it down for you non-believers. Unicorns are made from dreams, love, poetry, cashmere, cotton candy and pillows so they are soft so I don’t need no stupid saddle. However, if I wanted to be fancy (Oh, you fancy, huh?) I would get my saddle drop-shipped form the House of Dereon, extra Bedazzled to match my riding onesie. You’re jealous, I know. Jealousy is a dumb emotion and unicorns scoff at it.
It’s so hot I saw a unicorn sitting on my deck drinking a Capri Sun. #MagicalNCSummers
Unicorns are happy, don’t burst into flames, and they have a horn. Yes, an effing horn. They also like Simply Lemonade (fact). Unicorns are so awesome that I try to put them in a poem at least monthly, so here is one. I know you will like it because it has the word unicorn in it and that is all that matters. God Bless, Good Night.
unicorns
The alleged “they” say
When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras
Well when I hear them I think unicorns
And if it walks like a duck
It must be a peacock
And rain is just an excuse for rainbows
If ain’t broke then….
I’ll just fix it
… and spraypaint it purple
And if he breaks my heart
I just think of unicorns, peacocks, rainbows, and purple
Because silly…
makes the pain a little easier…
You want a unicorn too, don’t ya? I’m silly, but you like it.
***random though update: I am actually hate regular horses, but love unicorns, lol***
I think I want a unicorn too. I’m mesmerized by the thought.
look on Ebay, lol…
Lisa Effing Frank!
F the Free World!!!
you are soooo dumb….